I Regret Trying to Get Work Done at a Coffeeshop.

I'd rather study at a truck stop. I think I'd fit in with the people there and could actually relate. I had to sit through an insufferable exchange between two young hippies who were performing some complicated fake-intellectual mating ritual. I have never heard so much continuous bullshit in my life, and really was torn between tearing my eyes and ears out or laughing my ass off. Some high points:

• She said it was hard to accept spiritual guidance from someone who broke her heart (talking about an ex who is still creepily trying to get back together).
  
  
• He knows the creator of hackysack. . . I mean, "footbag" because he lives in Oregon. He goes to Reed College to participate in some weekly "footbag" event, and was talking about how this awesome "footbag" guy has now made it into some kind of martial art. Seriously.
  
  
• Either he or she went to Halloween dressed as "a random act of kindness." I had a random act of aneurysm right there.
  
  
• Dick Cheney is the Penguin joke. QUACK QUACK.
  
  
• His name is Happiness (or some foreign language equivalent of it), "THOUGH NOT LEGALLY" BECAUSE YOU WOULD BE A MORON TO DO SO.
  
  
• We all love acupuncture! Yay we love random bits of Eastern culture because it makes us "educated."
  
  
• Something about a PC-version of Merriam Webster's where there are no anti-women references. I don't even know what that means.
  
  
• Oh I think we should live off the grid and barter our excess deer meat instead of CONSUMER CULTURE SMASH.
  
  
• Something about living in a hippie forest commune in the middle of Oregon.
  
  
• He doesn't have a cell phone anymore (DON'T YOU WANT TO GET CHICKS' NUMBERS?!!!!1! OMG worst reply to the question of "Do you have a phone number?" ever. This dude has NO self-preservation instinct) because people wouldn't answer his phone calls. *tear*

I am surprised that I got ANY work done after all of that pretentious posturing. They were SO in love with each other and themselves that the amplitude of the ridiculousness kept ratcheting up. It was funny at the end when he awkwardly tried to get her to play something on her guitar-like instrument and she was like, "Oh my acupuncture appointment." SERVED.

I've been reading too much Wonkette.