Someone needs to write a torture memo on Netflix Watch Instantly

You know, I love my $8.99 Netflix plan.  I get one physical DVD at a time, which is fine, since I will probably not be binging on movies most of the time.  If I do want to binge, however, I get unlimited Netflix Watch Instantly, which lets me watch an. . . interesting variety of movies, although I wish I could (a) get a bigger selection and (b) have an option for HD viewing, like the XBox 360.

But really, sometimes with that ease of availability, you get a little adventurous with your video decisions.  That can really lead to some bad news.  Now I'm very open to watching all sorts of movies.  I am the guy who will rent Jason X because how could people NOT find the humor in Jason Voorhees, space, and nanotechnology?  I thought xXx was kickass, and I have Snakes on a Plane on its way, shrinkwrapped, to my mailbox (thanks Westlaw Points!).  I think that aptly illustrates that I can contextually watch crappy cinema and enjoy myself.

Sometimes it comes back and bites you in the butt, though, like today, when I decided to watch You Don't Mess With the Zohan, an Adam Sandler flick.  Yes, warning signs already, but I remember really liking The Waterboy when I was in high school (I'm not really helping myself here), and since it's available INSTANTLY. . .

Suffice to say, I had to go through 117 minutes of really bad accents, gross jokes and a cameo by Mariah Carey that once again underscores why she should stick with music (I love you Mariah!).  Afterwards, I really had to ask myself, "Can it still be torture if I agree to do it?"  I mean, what if a guy said, "Sure, let's try this waterboarding thing.  I mean, I know that there are masks and straps and all that kooky stuff, but I like water, I drink it all the time.  How bad could it really be?"  Oh wait, it's already been done.

I think that's a pretty good example of how I felt after watching this movie, sans all the actual fear of death and drowning.  Please write a memo on this.